Thursday, 26 March 2009

on humor for the religious

In light of what has been reported in the news media, especially over the last few months about the Vatican and its handling of such things as lifting the excommunications of four holocaust denying Lefebrvrists; official warnings that the distribution of condoms only increases the problem of AIDS, re-instating the Latin Mass, etc., etc.,. it seemed appropriate to introduce some well intentioned light hearted humour into the situation. This brief essay was originally recorded in January 2005.


Open letter to all defenders of the ultra conservative right-wing faith.

Congratulations! We can now get back to the work the Magisterium began so long ago. Lets go and slay a few hundred thousand Muslims and any other infidels. Thanks to George Bush (a recent fundamentalist Christian ally of the right-wing Catholic Church) that great task has already begun. At the same time we can put to the stake and rack every Christian heretic we can find. This task will be made all the easier knowing that the office of the Grand Inquisitor is still located in the same building at the Vatican. Please note only the names have changed, the workers there are still involved in the same rewarding task.

What about Jesus I hear you say? Don't worry he is still hanging on the cross were Mel Gibson left him. Jesus will remain there totally impotent and completely un-resurrected.

Now you know all the rules. We the Magisterium are spiritually superior and you laity will always remain inferior (that baptismal promise about equality can only be understood by superior individuals). Yes, sir only we the chosen men have the answers to all your questions so there is no point searching your heart, or any other parts of your defective anatomies, for the truth. Besides, we have trained staff to immediately brand you a heretic should you deviate at anytime. You must faithfully tell us what rules you have broken each day. A good confession, based on our ever expanding list of sins and frequently misunderstood rules, will greatly assist us in feeling better about ourselves and keep you in check and fear until the next time. Please do not try to think on your own as again we have trained staff to do that for you. Kindly consult our list of suitable prayers for any occasion but remember God does not want you bothering him while we are busy dictating our latest encyclicals to him.

No, the Holy Spirit does not extend itself beyond the Magisterium’s doctrine, dogma, rules, etc., If we opened the doors and made it available to everyone there would be far to much acceptance and joy. St. Peter has strict instructions to keep the gates closed to all but a few select card carrying devotees of the Magisterium. Regretfully, Mary and all the other Saints may be invoked only with the direct approval from the Pope himself. All matters related to Sainthood are now directly under the private domain of the Pope who together with Vanna White will spin the wheel of misfortune for a new Saint about every other day.

Great aggiornamento! Vatican II has been completely and utterly misunderstood by everyone. Pope John XXIII was simply a nice old man with a respiratory problem requiring the constant opening of windows in the Vatican. No, again no! The ultra conservative element of the Catholic Church is definitely not developing into a cult. While it may have acquired some definite glaring similarities it remains solidly and totally focused on itself. So there you have it. Good hunting and good racking! Remember God is on our side!

p.s. double click on the picture above to enlarge your humour.

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